Captain Cartwheel

Perhaps I am not posting enough, or maybe I'm just not interesting in my posts...but is there anyone out there?

I suffered through a 60 min spin this morning.  Literally suffered.  My head was not in it, my heart rate sky rocketted way faster than it should have, and apparently my cold is not gone b/c I was snotting all over the place.  I realize this whole training thing is a journey but some parts of the journey just blow.

I try to give myself credit for actually getting my ass to the gym by 6 a.m. but honestly the novelty of it has worn off.  It has gotten to the point that I gain consciousness around 5 a.m. whether or not I am supposed to get up then.  On days that I can sleep in longer I snuggle down into my pillow again, on the others I get up and go.  It's just what I do.

I went to a new massage therapist tonight and loved every moment of it.  She's lived in my neighborhood for over 10 years but just recently put up a sign about her business.  I know her from walking Harley around the neighborhood and so when I saw her sign I was really excited.

Previously I have gone to a massuese that beat the crap out of me.  Granted that is what deep tissue massage is all about but I would literally whimper and cry out throughout the hour - hurting more during and after the massage then I did when I got on the table.  Plus I had to drive to West Saint Paul to see her, and honestly trekking over there was a bother for me.

If you're looking for a masseue I highly recommend Mary of Release & Relax Massage.  Tell her I sent you.

I woke up feeling stronger - and I could fully breathe out of my left nostril - so I decided to head to the climbing gym tonight.  I was pretty pleased with my strength considering how weak I've been the last couple of days.  It felt great to be back in the gym and even better to actually climb relatively strong.

I've been advised to avoid a double workout this soon after being sick so rather than swimming and running tomorrow I guess I'll just run...and see how it goes.  I know it's a shock but I got stircrazy if I don't get regular exercise/activities in. I figure swimming should wait until I can avoid snotting all over the pool.  At least running I can snot rocket in relative peace.

I've set the goal of finding my way - and I figure that starts with training of some sort.  I've officially looked at a training schedule and may even start following it next week when I am 100%.  I also think I need to plan a few weekend getaways - camping, climbing, etc.  Step by step I shall find my way.

My life-satisfaction level is fluctuating more than the MN weather the last two weeks.  I keep wanting to talk about it and then realize I have no idea what to say.  I feel lost in the shuffle, overlooked one moment and then craving solitary time the next.  I want to be social but don't want to go out.  I complain about being single and then when I have a date I dread it and bail.  I cannot win with myself.

At least last year at this time I had a great reason - everything was for IM.  This year I haven't even committed myself to a training schedule.  I have two tris scheduled - both Half Ironman's - and two run relays - Ragnar and Reach the Beach - and I'm already considering bailing on the first tri.  I've been training but not off a schedule...so I guess I've been working out only.

When asked what I'm training for I am at a loss for words.  Am I training?  Do I want to be training?  Is that what that void I feel is?

When I explain to people what I'm doing for 'training' they laugh, because essentially I'm doing the IM training again - this time with Dr. B.  I promised to be her person which includes doing a butt load of training with her.  The main difference between this year and last is that I'm not doing the entire schedule.  I pick and choose what I want to do.  I do a couple a week with her and then whatever I feel like the other days.  I'm up at 5 a.m. roughly 3 days a week to hit the gym and 1-3 times a week a climb after work.  I run with SeaBiscuit or lift on my own at lunch time.   I probably do 3 - 2-a-day workouts a week but still I feel lazy.  I haven't been biking/spinning much instead lifting, running, climbing, yoga occasionally, lots of swimming, plus some work-related hiking.  Lots of activity but it doesn't have the same feel of what I am/was used to.

Maybe the issue is I don't have a team.  I've had a team for three years and this is the first year without that built in structure.  I miss the comradery I suppose.  I miss the variety of people I would see on a weekly basis.  I know I can workout on my own, follow a schedule on my own, but it's fun to chat with people and build friendships while struggling to reach a goal.

Maybe I miss having a huge goal.  I don't know.

Last month I told a friend I was in a rut and I vowed to try new things.  I've done that...am still doing it...and still I feel like I'm in a rut.  You'd think with the sun being up later and the weather getting nicer I would be happier.  But actually I find myself more ornery and annoyed.  I've been waiting for nice weather and now it's here and I am annoyed because I'm not ready!  Ready for what?  Who the hell knows.  I'm lost.

I've been sick the last few days so I have had the luxury of watching a lot of basketball.  It's been really nice.  College basketball is the only reason I really like the month of March.  Every time I get worked up or start laughing though I start coughing/wheezing which sort of sucks, especially since I've got quite worked up during UNC vs. Florida State, Sycracuse vs. Louisville, and now with Duke vs. Florida State.  Phuck Duke.

First off, hello and welcome back to my shoulders!  I've been hitting the pool at least twice a week again after a long hiatus.  That, coupled with climbing one to three times a week, and my shoulders have miraculously reappeared!  I am pretty pleased about it.

Next, driving across the metro twice a day is frustrating.  Not b/c of sitting in traffic - that sucks but it's not the worst.  It's because 2 in 5 cars that fly by me are steered by people talking on their cell phones.  That may even be a low estimate.  Honestly, it is my biggest pet peeve.  I do it too occasionally but not nearly as much as I used too.  I have made a very conscious effort to avoid talking on the phone while driving b/c I know it makes me a worse driver.  I even avoid listening to books on tape/cd b/c I get swept into the subject matter and forget to pay attention around me.

I cannot tell you the number of times I utter, mutter and scream "YOU ARE A FREAKING IDIOT!" to the people who cut me and others off, cross multiple lanes of traffic without looking and generally drive me bonkers.  It. Drives. Me. Nuts.  Take your hand away from your ear, place the phone in your pocket and leave it the frick alone!

I used to use my drive time to and from Burnsville (two jobs ago) to catch up with friends while driving.  I can't tell you the number of times I realized I was home and had no idea how I got there b/c I was too engrossed in my conversation.  At some point - I think it was when I became a bus commuter - I realized how nice it is to have quiet time and not have to talk to anyone.  Soon after driving became a more peaceful endeavor and I started to become a slightly less engaged friend.  Once I started driving across the metro again I began to notice the sheer number of phone conversations that go on around me.  Seriously people who the hell are you talking to at 6 and 7 am? Do you think they actually want to hear your groggy morning voice?  It's not sexy people, it's disturbing.

Whew.

Last ranting comment - If you want to smoke that cigarette at least have the decency to leave the remainder of the cancer stick in your freaking car!  Don't chuck it out the window or drop it in a snow bank!  I don't want to see a tiny flaming torch bouncing down the highway.  If you love it so much hold onto it!  Hell you paid enough for it your might as well frame it.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

My first attempt to upload a video!

Harlington and I went for a mile walk yesterday in the melting snow.  It was gorgeous out so we ventured farther than usual.  He was doing his best impression of a drowned rat...until we got home.

A friend of mine gives me a valentine every year.  Each year it is homemade - literally cut from construction paper and magazines.  On Friday my Valentine arrived and I nearly wet myself laughing.  It said:  SWM seeking Ironman who farts in her sleep.

Yep, that's me alright.  Now if only that was a real personal ad from the cute, shirtless man she pasted to the front of it.

The true story behind it is this:

1.  I'm an Ironman.  All you have to do is listen to my voicemail and you'll be reminded of this. 
2.  The first night my ex - then boyfriend - stayed at my apartment in college we talked until 3 am.  At which point I admitted I was tired and told him he could either stay or go home b/c I was going to bed.  Well duh, shocker that the 19 male decided to stay with the 20 year old me.  Then I gave him the choice of either sleeping on the couch or sleeping in my bed.  DUH again, surprise surprise he chose my bed, where he slept in his jeans.  I'm not lying, I couldn't make this shit up.  The 19 him - the first guy to share my bed with me - slept in his jeans!  What does that do for the ego I ask?   Anyway, the point is right before rolling over and going to sleep I realized one terrible horrible thing - I fart in my sleep.  We all do people, this is no surprise!  But still, I felt a need to overshare so the last thing I said to him was "By the way I fart in my sleep.  Good night."  Who does that?  Me apparently.

For the rest of the relationship it was a running joke.  He'd say "She had me from 'by the way I fart in my sleep'."  What a prize I am.

Anywhoozle, this valentine got me thinking and I started pondering what I would put in a personal ad re: my unique self to perk interest in others.  I think I'd leave the bodily functions out - so no snot rockets, farting, burping or weird throat clearing noises.  What does that leave me with?  Funny, outgoing, certifiable?  So far it doesn't seem to unique, in fact it's pretty dull.

How about some help here?  Any ideas?  You've been reading my posts about me for a while -assuming you found your way here - what are your thoughts?  Any ideas on how to make a personal ad eye catching or noteworthy?  And I'm not talking Leno's stupid things in the newspaper noteworthy, more like 'wow that's cool, I want to know her!' or at least 'huh, maybe.' Help please.

P.S. Howdaya like the new digs?  Nice right?!  It's a work in progress, much like me.  =)

The thing I love about The Bachelor and/or The Bachelorette "reality" TV show(s) is that it really demonstrates that there's not just one person out there for us. It really demonstrates to me why so many people have lovers on the side or affairs. There are so many different levels to human relationships that the idea of being monogamous with one person for the rest of life is astoundingly short sighted to me.

I realize I'm in the minority on this one - at least the spoken minority - but the idea of an open relationship seems so much more logical to me. It takes the dishonesty out of the equation. No need to lie about being attracted to other people - it happens after all.

That said I'm a hypocrite because I like the romanticized ideal of someone having only eyes for me and wanting only me. I'd be totally ticked if someone said to me "Look I love you and want to be with you but this other person is hotter and I would love a chance to give her a go for a night." But I think I would be even more ticked and hurt if I found out after the fact that someone cheated on me. Just another occasion where my thoughts and emotions differ.

Another Eagles choke. I can't say I am surprised, though I am disappointed. I was feeling really depressed in the first half, I mean really, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? The second half included much rejoicing - jumping and screaming included. My mom even took on the 'terrorist fist bump' as her favorite congratulatory action.

Word of advice - when 'fist bumping' do not, under any circumstance, do so with my mother. She tried to break my knuckles with her fast action fist pumping motion while wearing her very sharp wedding ring. The same ring that long ago lost its diamond and now only has very sharp prongs. Seriously painful.

A half-hearted congrats to Marc and his Steelers - or as I told him on the phone "Congratu-fuckin'-lations." I'm not bitter at all.