Captain Cartwheel

Charity Date Auction to benefit The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, sounds entertaining right?  How can someone not even get a date at a charity event centered on getting a date?! It's actually relatively easy, especially of no one shows up to the event. 

One of my participants put together a charity date auction for this evening; each person being auctioned off supplied a date package.  There were packages ranging from Twins tickets and dinner for two, Lake Minnetonka cruise & dinner, golf outing, etc.  My date package included rock climbing and dinner. 

I told the organizer if he had trouble finding people to be auctioned off I would do it - being that it is for charity and all.  I should I have known that would mean I would be on the block.  So tonight I got all gussied up and headed out with a relatively open mind.  If I don't take chances I stand to get no reward right? Or something like that?

Anyway, I get there and chat with the other people.  We're all kind of nervous but chatting to pass the time, starting time rolls around and no guests; ten minutes in and no guests; 25 minutes in and no guests.  You see where this is going right?  If not you definitely did not read the third sentence in the first paragraph.  After 40 minutes we pack up the stuff and head to a nearby bar for drinks.

I was at a point where I didn't mind not having a date until, well until I didn't get on tonight.

Grrrr.

If you meet an attractive 30 yr old medical device rep named Keith, please tell him I am not an alcoholic. Point of fact - I am not.  Not a drunk either.  He was another person on the auction block and if I had any balls at all I would have walked away tonight with his number - ok, maybe not but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take right?  I couldn't afford his date package which would have a been a way to guarantee date - why does that statement seem sly and stalkerish to me?

Anyway, the volunteers were all joking - mostly about alcohol and how such an event definitely needs alcohol for people to show up and bid - among other stories and shared info, and I'm pretty sure he thinks I keep a bottle under my pillow.  I don't.  Oddly enough the only difference between my personality sober and intoxicated is vomiting.  Otherwise I have the same dirty mouth, inappropriate comments and relatively childish behavior.

Maybe I turned him off by telling this story:

The other night at was at a bar for a memorial fundraiser.  I had just been put in thiswalking boot so I was still relying on one crutch to get around.  I was placing a bid on a silent auction item when I guy came up to me and asked me what happened to my foot.  I looked at him, looked at my foot, back at him and said "Sex Swing, gets ya every time."

The guy's jaw dropped and he gazed at me with this wonderous look of awe, looked to my friend McEgo and says to him, "Dude, I have to shake your hand!"

To which McEgo puts his hand in the air and says 'It wasn't me."

The guy looks at another one of my friends and gets the same response.  He looks back at me and says, "That's so cool!"

True Story

The Dateless Wonder succeeds again.  I'm not above blind dates btw.  Just saying.